How Play Therapy Works: “Can’t I Just Play With My Child at Home?”
2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You.”
My job as a therapist isn’t to give peace or a sound mind to the child.
Rather it is to create a safe relationship in which the child can learn to experience and practice it.
If a parent is concerned about their child, maybe with how they are behaving at school, at home, with the divorce, with other children, etc. they may begin to explore counseling services for their child. This is a courageous step by the parent and an act of love. Just as you’d seek professional help for your child if they were exhibiting symptoms of a physical illness, working with a therapist is often a positive step in issues related to emotional well-being.
Even the most well-meaning parents may ask, “can’t I just play with them at home?” or “they play all the time and I just don’t see how that will help them with emotional/behavioral change.” Valid! Yes, of course these things are true. Parents/caregivers play the most vital and significant role in the lives of their children. A therapist is a person you bring onto your child’s team of support to help them navigate emotions, work through challenges, and develop skills they need to thrive. A therapist will never replace what a parent provides. No professional can replace the parent - not a dentist, a pediatrician, or a teacher. I am a partner WITH you! I can offer a different perspective, a safe space for your child, and bring my specialized training, tools, and experience to support their emotional growth.
The key difference that I want to point out between recess at school and playing at home is that the goal of therapy isn’t for your child to have fun. The goal is for your child to grow emotionally through the experience of play. Children, and sometimes even adolescents, will not sit in a chair and talk about their feelings and emotions. In the therapy room, I create a relationship characterized by acceptance, empathy, safety, and appropriate responses and boundaries. The focus is emotional wellness. A positive building of the child’s self-image is the goal. The child, of course, uses play in this environment to express very big feelings, explore their inner world and outward experiences, practice problem-solving, and develop a greater sense of confidence and emotional regulation. It really is very exciting!
What is the therapist doing in play therapy? The therapist isn’t just entertaining your child. My goal is to build a therapeutic relationship where they feel accepted, understood, and emotionally safe. Dr. Garry Landreth calls this “the child’s time” in which the child can express all that he/she is and be fully accepted without reprimands or demands. The therapist is a facilitator to the development of the therapeutic relationship with the child, all while giving language to emotions that they may not have words for yet, making meaningful connections between behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. This helps the child in processing their very real experiences, good and bad - all while following the child’s lead, noticing patterns, and responding in ways that support expression and understanding - giving meaning, acceptance, an opportunity to develop (and practice) self-control without the interference of of an adult, and the development of self-understanding. This is part of what makes play therapy different from ordinary play!
I will end with the Objectives of the Therapeutic Relationship "(Landreth, 2024):
To establish an atmosphere of safety for the child.
To understand and accept the child’s world.
To encourage the expression of the child’s inner and emotional world.
To establish a feeling of permissiveness/choice-making.
To facilitate decision-making by the child.
“There are no insignificant happenings in play therapy” (Landreth, 2024).
